Hero Child

 
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Hi... Barbara Rogers

I have been exploring your web site with great interest to include your rebuttal to Alice Miller... your right on Barbara... Bravo

Here is a glimse of my journey throught misuse of Parental power...

My very Best Regards, Gerald N Burnett

 

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Roots of Powerlessness

Power. Oh power! How dreadful it is! How dangerous!. What can I do with it?.

I can make my children cry with it. I can make them hate with it. I can make them conform and submit to it. I can make them despise me and hate themselves with it. I can cut them up with it. I can beat them and manipulate them with it. I can make them do whatever I please with it. I can imprint in them the fear and mistrust of it. I can control them with it. I can direct and manage their lives with it. I can instill a dependency need for it. I can impose my will on them with it. I can demand respect, responsibility and authority with it. I can shame, tease and ridicule them with it. I can reject them with it. I can foster anger and rage with it. I can drive them to emotional, physical, mental and spiritual bankruptcy with it. I have the capacity to destroy their lives with it. I can eviscerate their little souls with it. Oh ... what more wondrous things misuse of Power can do in my hands, as a dysfunctional parent.

My truth today is… power cannot make any of my children walk in Beauty. Power cannot cause my children to blossom and grow; therefore by definition, it cannot cause my children to become whole nor authentic selves. And one other wee thing power cannot do: It cannot force nor make any of my children love me.

I have experienced the misuse of power in the hands of parental figures and people most of my life. I have used it myself as a parent at times. It is practically good for nothing except to be used against equally ignorant power, and even then, genuine love is much more effective.

I have had to re-evaluate the power differential between parent and child. My reality involved; several attempted abortions while in utero, illegitimacy, abandonment, neglect and relinquishment at six months of age; twelve different homes before the age of seven. Prior repeated separation from my twin sister through numerous adoption placements and for various reasons amongst which the burden of fault was placed directly upon me as a child and… as reported in writing by the Children’s’ Aid Society… to my Psychiatrist.

My eventual adoptee status also experienced emotional deprivation, and with no one to turn to for help. Powerless over when or where to be seen or heard. Forbidden eating except when given to by matriarchal mother figure with no choices other than to go without. Complete power over every aspect of my life. Not allowed owning my own feelings. Dare I anger the adopters in power, they, having the right to damn me, to humiliate me, to degrade me, beat me and sexually abuse me. Having no way to escape those hellish horrible experiences of powerlessness... I could only take with me what I was given by internalizing the threats, fears, angers, seething rage, and volatile emotions.

Those are some of the disparities of power that existed in my childhood, revealing to me, that there is really no room for autonomy in those dysfunctional child parental role models. Where the power differential is that great, the slightest criticism or the mildest form of manipulation becomes a destructive assault on the integrity of my wounded child within and without.

Powerlessness being a constant companion in my wounded childhood brought about drastic and dramatic consequences later on. As I entered puberty (whatever the hell that is) I prefer to call it delinquent impotency, I began to fight back. What others experienced was nothing short of a tempest… which parental figures failed to appreciate.

Why was that!!! "Had they not always sought that which was considered to be "In the best interest of the Child". Had they not given to this child? Oh yes, everything painfully given under the guise of love… had a lot to do with the misuse and abuse of parental power.

Now… came my time for power, hostility, rebellion, and control, fueled by the energy of years of powerlessness and anger to come bursting forth spewing hate and resentment all over the place. Feelings stored like rat poison in the cells of my being, and sadly recycled within my personal life, my family and my relationships.

Until awakened by the call to Healing, much of what I have shared here would not be possible. I am grateful for reaching into my wounded childhood all the way back to conception to integrate the roots of my powerlessness. Thanks to the empowerment of this journey, Love guides my path and Quest no harm be done to any Innocent Child.

In Service to Healing the Beauty of my Inner Child.

G. N. B.

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