written in Chicago, 1985
after six years of tremendous changes I live in Germany again
while I visit Chicago the following summer I have a dream
in my dream I travel twice to the same country
the first time I carry a black figure on my back
holding on to me with a tight, painful grip
when I return for the second time
the black figure has slipped off me and goes away
upon awakening I write the image and my feelings down:
black figure, your face destroyed and torn
your body tall and huge, your limbs are stiff and awkward
black figure, you were my companion for a long time
forever I was buried under your weight that burdened my walk
your grip around my chest squeezed my heart
and the pain would spread through my body
to leave it on endless trails of tears
your presence kept away good friends – joy of life and love
black figure, slowly you are walking away
as you leave you pull away your black dress which covered me
your dress is sinking down from my body
only its seam still touches me gently
black companion without face
I see you disappear in the distance – the sight makes me cry
© Barbara Rogers
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Screams from Childhood |