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I have been in therapy for eighteen months
when I have to leave Chicago, the beloved, treasured world
where I have come to enjoy my life
have become engaged in life
active as a chamber musician and in my children’s school
taking a college class
making real friends for the first time in my life
my first husband has pushed through what he has longed for
but what I dread—our return to Germany
at the end of those first eighteen months of therapy I dream that
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I am sitting on the doctor’s couch
in front of me is a grave that has been opened
I see a body in there—wrapped with white bandages
it looks like a mummy
sobbing and crying
overwhelmed by compassion and with the utmost tenderness
I sink into the grave
to embrace and hold
the corpse that was buried in that grave |
Barbara was buried—for too many years—
until I uncovered her grave with the doctor’s help
I have resurrected a Barbara
that no one wanted to exist
the alive Barbara with feelings, thoughts, needs
dreams and wishes
of her own
© Barbara Rogers
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Screams from Childhood |
